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23-8-20

I’ve barely updated this site for the past month or so, partly due to being unusually busy some days and partly due to me being lazy.

I’ve been feeling very nostalgic these past few days, listening to old music that I used to listen to when I was younger, it brings back a lot of memories. I’ve been thinking a lot of around 2001/2002 or so. It was a very chaotic couple of years for me, self harming every week, lots of depression, suicide attempts. I’ve also been looking at some old self harm pictures that I took of myself, from around that time, also from other times. It brings a lot of memories and feelings back to me. Listening to the old music and looking at the photos makes me very wistful. Even though I was going through some bad times, which was extremely difficult at the time and something I wished I wasn’t going through at the time, looking back I kind of long for those times. The negative side of me wants to do those things again. Even though it was a desperate time, I long for it. Listening to that old music just makes me think of all those times and make me feel like self harming right now just thinking about those times. I’ve been feeling a bit down anyway, maybe that’s why I listened to old music again, which then makes me think of old days, which then makes me want to do those things again. I’m a very nostalgic kind of person anyway, I do long for older days, certain points of time in the past. It’s probably not a good idea for me to relive those days, if someone was giving me advice, it would probably be not to look at old self harm photos or not to listen to old music. But honestly, I don’t care, the negative side of me likes to do those things and wants to do those things and that side of me usually wins out.

Other than that, I’ve been going out more now, doing some stuff, like I say, busy some days, which I’m not usually that busy but I have been lately. I’m glad summer is nearly over, I love Autumn.