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24-1-20

Saw the Doc this afternoon, brilliant visit, we had a great chat. I do worry about her though, she said she’d had a hard day with people, said she wasn’t very popular today, which made me feel angry at the people making her feel that way. So I told her she was the greatest person I’d ever met, which she is, I don’t lie. I told her no matter how hard your day has been and no matter what people have said to her, that she has patients (me) who think the world of her. I just hope she doesn’t get to the stage where she doesn’t like it at my practice and wants to leave, that’s my biggest fear at the moment, losing my Doc. Having my appointments every 2 weeks with her makes me feel so good, I feel brilliant after every appointment with her, as soon as I leave I can’t wait for the next appointment. I just enjoy so much sitting back being relaxed and talking openly about everything.

I also saw my mental health worker on Wednesday, which was also a good visit. We had a good chat. I’m slowly starting to get used to having someone else in my life to talk to. It takes time with me, I’m very used to being alone, I’m not used to having people in my life, it’s going to take just a bit more time I think.

16-1-20

Saw the Doc last Friday, we had a good chat, talked about my anxiety, she said i could have a short course of benzodiazepines if I want, to help me relax, I said I’m okay for now, will see how my anxiety is over the next 2 weeks, and if it’s still bad I might have some then. It was a good visit, it’s very rare that I have someone in my life who genuinely cares about me, she is one of the very few.

Other than that nothing much else to say, as I said my anxiety is still bad, it’s getting slightly better over time though. Been a bit depressed this afternoon. I’ve been thinking about maybe self harming soon, I don’t know yet.