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14-11-19

Saw the Doc last Friday. Had a good talk with her, told her how everything went with the two mental health workers I saw in the past few weeks. Told her how good it was to go in depth on things, especially things I’ve never been in depth on before. The Doc listened and was really interested in what I was saying, she’s about the only one who’s like that with me. She was glad that everything went well though, she asked if I was happy that she referred me back to the mental health team, and I said yes I was, it’s been going good so far. Told her about getting leaflets off the nurse about self help groups, which I was very unsure of, I don’t really like mixing too much. She understood, just said do the psychotherapy and see how that goes, which I agree with her, I’ll do that and see how far it takes me. So we had a good talk. She didn’t have any appointments in 2 weeks, so I’m down to see her in December now, but she did look at her schedule and said she would phone me in 2 weeks, just to see how I’m doing. Not many Doctors would offer to do that, she’s one of a kind.

Not much else to say, moods at the moment – not too bad. Enjoying the cold weather, I love it cold.

1-11-19

I saw the other mental health worker yesterday. It was a very good appointment. She seemed very interested in everything I was saying, the appointment lasted just over an hour. It was so good to be able to go into things more in depth, because we had more time. And even then, we barely scratched the surface. But it was good, really good. Just talked about everything, self harm, suicide, depression, anxiety, social phobia, everything really. We went in depth into something that I haven’t gone in depth on with anyone before and that was when I took an overdose some years back, it was interesting, maybe more for me than her, just going into what I felt during it, after it, and how I felt about it now. I showed her some self harm photos of mine, showed her my scars. We talked about that. We talked about my childhood depression and anxiety, which is something that bothers me immensely. She also told me about her mental illness problems, anxiety and so on, which was good of her to disclose that to me, I knew then that she knew what I really meant with some of the things I was telling her. I felt a good connection with her, I could sense she knew what she was talking about. She said I was a thinker and not to change that part of me, which was a nice compliment. So it went really well. She is now referring me to have some follow up CBT and psychotherapy sessions, which I’m okay with. She said she hopes she gets to see me again as she would like to work more with me.

When I got home I felt a little weird at first, it’s really a strange feeling for me telling extremely personal things and going in depth on those things with someone I’ve never met before, I’m not a forthcoming person, and I’m not used to telling everything to someone I’ve just met. So I wasn’t sure how I felt… just weird I suppose. I did start to feel better a bit later on, and right now I felt pretty good, I think I’m glad I shared my thoughts.

I am looking forward to seeing my Doc next Friday though, I’m looking forward to telling her how things have gone for me with the two appointments I’ve had since I last saw her. She really is my confidant, I want to share things with her, and I feel totally relaxed with her.