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23-9-19

So I went to my appointment last Wednesday with the mental health team, I saw a really lovely lady, T, the meeting lasted about 45 minutes, it was brilliant. The lady was wonderful, we talked about everything, my self harm, my depression, my suicidal thoughts, medication, the lot. She is now referring me to a counsellor for a while, she said to see how it goes and if I don’t get much out of it then my Doctor can always refer me back to her again. Which I’m fine with that, sounds good. I admit though that I would really like to see T again, she was great. I did feel some anxiety when I got home though, just thoughts in my head of things I should have said but didn’t say and things like that, it always happens, you think of a thousand things after you get home. I love talking to female mental health professionals though, you can tell them anything and nothing fazes them, they just sit and listen. It does get tiring keeping all of this inside of me, it’s a nice feeling to just let it out and be open with someone. My medication is staying the same for the time being. I don’t really want to change my Antipsychotic, I would maybe consider changing my Antidepressant at some point. I see my Doc now on Friday, I’m really looking forward to seeing her and telling her how the appointment went. Overall it was very successful, I’m pleased with how it went.

17-9-19

Saw the Doc last Friday, she did something for me that made me feel wonderful. The fact that she goes out of her way to help me just amazes me, just the fact that it’s for me, a worthless human being just shows what an amazing person she is. I felt great when I left her room, I see her again a week next Friday.

Other than that not much to say, the bruising I got from the last self harming seems to have satisfied me a great deal, I haven’t had any serious thoughts the past couple of weeks, although I have had a few small daydreams about it this evening.

I’ve been the victim of stupidity from people too the past week or two. I wonder sometimes are people born with shit for brains or do they acquire it? Interesting thought that I haven’t worked out the answer to yet.