Feeling pretty shit today. Felt subdued for most of the day, and it’s starting to get to a depressive type of feeling by now, nearly evening. I’m thinking about self harming. I won’t today, not sure about tomorrow. I have an appointment with the Doc tomorrow so might wait until I see her before I do anything. I’ve been thinking about self harm for most of this week, the thoughts crept into my mind early in the week and they haven’t left. I crave that high you feel while you’re self harming. I sit here feeling shit and I know for a fact that self harming will make me feel better, it’s a hard thing to withstand, when you know something will make you feel better, it’s very difficult not to do it. I did go out today, I didn’t feel too bad before I went though, it wasn’t until I was coming home that I started to get a bit flat. I’ll still go out again tomorrow, got to flash those fake smiles and act as though I’m “okay”.

About Höst

A blog about various things - music, mental health, nature, my very mundane life and various thoughts.

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