23-9-18 [2]

There are times when I think “to hell with it”. I keep my feelings inside of me, don’t let anyone find out how I’m really feeling, I keep everyone out. I keep my self harm a secret from my family because I don’t want to hurt them, and also to be honest because I just think it’s my business and not theirs. But when they hurt me, or really piss me off, I think to myself, why am I keeping things a secret, not to hurt them, maybe I should just let them know I self harm. I get hurt by them, why should I keep things quiet not to hurt them? I just want to let everything out sometimes, let them all know what I really do in private, how I really feel in private. Stop putting other people’s feelings first and just say “to hell with it”. But of course the extremely private part of me doesn’t want them to know, because I can’t help but feel that it’s only my business, and my doctor’s too. But no one else’s. Then I sit here when I do feel pissed off at something they’ve done and think, just let them see how messed up my mind is, let them see what I really do to myself. That’s how I feel sometimes, maybe one day I’ll let them see.

About Höst

A blog about various things - music, mental health, nature, my very mundane life and various thoughts.

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