Last week was fairly good. The highlight was seeing my Doc, it was a great visit, told her some things on my mind, it was nice sharing those thoughts with her. She also asked me who I was going to see while she is away on maternity leave, so she suggested Dr. H, which I said yeah okay. She said she’ll talk to Dr H about me and tell her some of my background and the self harming etc… just so I don’t have to go through it all with her. I’ve seen Dr H in the surgery, she does look like a nice lady. I am going to miss Dr P while she is away, she leaves around March, so not long. I hope the 6 months goes fast.
Dr. P also said about maybe referring me back to my psychiatrist. Which I think I would like, for various reasons. But there’s also a part of me that thinks “I don’t want to make a fuss about myself, I’m not worth it”. So that part of me says no, don’t get referred back, but the part of me that wants to share my self harming, suicidal and other thoughts wants to get referred back. I don’t know. Thing is not even my psychiatrist saw my worst side, I’m so private I sometimes wasn’t as open as I should have been, which I would try to rectify if I did see my psychiatrist again. It’s the same thing, I think to myself “I’m not worth the help, I’m not worth her time”, so I sometimes didn’t say what was truly on my mind. I shared a lot of things, but maybe not as much as I should have. I’ll think it over.
Other than that, nice cold weather, lovely to go out for a walk in. I feel a bit under the weather today, don’t know if I have a cold coming on me, we’ll see how that goes.