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14-10-18

Had a very realistic and almost psychedelic dream last night, which I can only remember the last segment – in which I was jumping. Which made me physically jump while sleeping, I jumped off my bed and onto the floor, which obviously made me wake up, in a heap on the floor, my knee was a little sore this morning. I nearly knocked over a unit next to my bed. It was very weird. I felt a bit shocked ending up on the floor like a sack of spuds.

13-10-18

I have some pretty nice bruising on my leg from the needles I inserted the past week, not huge bruising but a little, it’s really nice to look at, makes me feel good. This past week has been pretty flat. Still getting the self harm thoughts all the time. I ran out of needles so I bought a box of 100. Was very cheap, only 7.99. I got some 2 inch 50mm diameter needles. The others I was using were 1 1/2 inch 40 mm diameter, so the ones I bought are a little bigger, which is what I was looking for. They were sent today, so should get to me on Tuesday.

I’ve been having a little trouble figuring out what’s a dream and what is real life. Yesterday I experienced something that I’m not sure was a dream I had last night, or was something that actually happened. I’ve tried racking my brains to remember, but I can’t quite figure out if it was real or not.

I saw Dr. H yesterday too. Nice and early 8.10am appointment, so hardly anyone else was there, lovely and quiet, I hate sharing a waiting room with other people, it agitates, irritates and angers me. Anyway, the appointment went well, had a talk with her. She was a bit concerned that I had self harmed twice in the past 7 days or so. She said for me to see her again in 3 weeks, which was fine with me. She wanted me to try and space out the self harm episodes as far apart as I could, she said to me, it’s unrealistic for her to say to me, well don’t do it at all, which is correct, so just said to me to try and space it out as far as you can. So I said okay will do. But it was nice to have a talk with her.