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24-10-17

Feeling pretty depressed today. It’s been coming over me like a wave. I think it all started from a week and a half ago, on the Sunday when I got those suicidal thoughts. I mean, the past week and a half have been pretty okay, but I don’t think I recovered from those feelings fully. I felt a little under the weather I suppose you could say, yesterday, then in the evening I did start to feel the depression hit me. And today It’s gotten worse. Right now, out of 10 on the depression scale I’m around a 6. Which is nearly enough for some self harming, I’ve been thinking about it most of the day. I did manage to go out, flash some fake smiles, give the impression that I’m “okay”. Had to catch the bus too because of bad weather, which wasn’t fun. I’m not going to self harm tonight. I see my Doctor tomorrow morning, so I want to see her first before I do anything, see if it gives me a lift having a talk with her. I am having some thoughts about self harming as soon as I can and doing some smaller cuts while my depression still isn’t too bad. The worse the depression gets the worse I have to cut myself. So sometimes it’s better to do it early, therefore you can get away with some smaller cuts instead. I’m not sure what I’m going to do yet. I’m just really looking forward to seeing the Doc tomorrow, and then go from there.

About Höst

A blog about various things - music, mental health, nature, my very mundane life and various thoughts.

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