I was over the club yesterday morning, Was feeling pretty good, quite stable, enjoying myself to a degree. This man comes in, walks past and says to me “you wanna stop hogging that table, we can’t get a game on it”. The cheek of some people is amazing. I can play on any table I like, I’ve been playing on the same one for years, many years before he started coming there, why the fascination with the table I’m on. What an absolute and complete utter idiot, I felt like smashing his head against the wall. I’ve said before, I shouldn’t be surprised at the utter cheek of some people and the stupidity of them, but yet again, I am. Honestly, why can’t people just leave me alone, that’s all I want is to be left alone and just do whatever I feel like doing, in peace and quiet. It didn’t upset me what he said, just really irritated me.

On the positive side, I saw my Dr. today, was great seeing her, it’s been nearly a month, but it feels like six since I last saw her. She made me feel good, as always. I’m having blood tests next week, then I see my Dr. again the following week. You go from one extreme of dealing with an absolute idiot one day to the next day dealing with someone who is very special and has all the good qualities that you could ever want. I showed her my scars from my recent cuts, and one of the things she said to me was “you stress me out”, which made me feel good. Not the thought of stressing her out, I would never want her to feel stressed out, but the fact she said it, showed that she cares, and that’s what made me feel good.


Week went pretty good. Had an impromptu family gathering on Wednesday evening, which was okay, although very tiring. I was physically and especially mentally very tired. It was good for the first hour or two then after that I started feeling fatigued, and a little depressed, I get down when I spend too much time with people, I need time by myself. I like spending time with family for the most part, but as long as it’s not too long. I need to be by myself after a certain amount of time, which is no failing of anyone else, it’s just the way I am.


Last week was fairly good I suppose. Although midweek I felt extremely angry with someone, felt like I wanted to put my hands around his throat and choke the shit out of him. It amazes me (it shouldn’t) how cheeky, ignorant and stupid most people can be, is it any wonder I feel like choking them.

Cuts are now nearly scars, I had fun picking the scabs.

That’s about it for now.