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19th, 8, 16.

So there were fun and games last night. I went to bed, did my usual routine of turning off the electric at the mains, set the alarm on my phone to wake me up. I woke up 4 hours later, and the electric had been turned back on at the mains, my desk fan was switched on and turned towards my bed, and my alarm on my phone had been turned off, seems like I done all that in my sleep. It’s not the first time I’ve done things in my sleep, but I’ve never done that much before. I really do wonder sometimes what sort of damage psych medication is having on my brain long term. Scary I could do all that while I slept, makes me wonder what else I could in the future.

17th, 8, 16.

Sums me up quite nicely, the amount of times I go out and flash some fake smiles, say “I’m alright” when asked how I am, when inside I feel terrible, I’ve lost count how many times I do that. It’s quite common so I read with people like me. I really can’t say why I say I’m alright when I’m not, I know that I don’t want people knowing how I really feel for some reason. I know that I am so private and I don’t like anyone knowing how I feel. Maybe I don’t like anyone knowing I feel terrible because it makes me seem weak, and I don’t want to feel weak in front of people, I always try to keep my guard up. I can’t see that changing anytime soon.