melankolic.com

Felt down yesterday. It was 9 years since I lost my girl and it made me feel down yesterday, moreso this year than the past couple of years for some reason. Just hit me a bit harder than usual this year, for whatever reason. I do feel a bit better today though.

I saw Dr. H on Thursday, and I asked if Dr. P was back yet, which she said yes she came back last week. So I told Dr. H that I was going back to Dr. P, I said that I felt terrible for saying it and that I didn’t want her to think I was going back to Dr. P because I wasn’t happy with her, I told her I was really happy with the past year, and what she’s done for me. Dr. H was great, said it was no problem at all and that she understood, said she knew that I had been with Dr. P for quite some time and also said that I now have someone to see if Dr. P has to have any time off work again, which made me feel better. But I said I still felt awful, Dr. H said, don’t worry, don’t feel bad, it’s okay. She was great about it. I gave her a hug just to say thanks. I still couldn’t help feeling bad though. But on the plus side I am so excited to see Dr. P again, I made an appointment with her for next Friday. I’m so looking forward to it, I can’t wait to see her again. It’s been nearly a year she’s been off, and I’ve thought about her a lot, just how she’s doing and how her new baby is, how she’s coping, and now I can see her again, it’s a great feeling to have her back.

Pretty quiet week other than that, not many self harm thoughts lately. Maybe it’s the winter, I’m a bit backwards to most people, I hate the summer, and love the winter, it’s my favourite season. I’ve been fairly good for the past couple of weeks now.