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19-9-20

I’ve been really quiet on this blog for a few weeks. My anxiety has been totally shit, it’s been so bad. I had a panic attack, my Doctor has rung me twice in the same week, wrote out a script for some Benzodiazepines for me. I still have some left, but I’ll probably take them next week, I’m just trying to last them out until I speak to the Doc again, which will be in a week and a half, she’ll give me some more then. I’ve just been trying to stay as relaxed as I can. I haven’t been going out as much, because I think that was part of the reason why I was so anxious. I hate it when my anxiety is this bad, the physical symptoms that it gives me are terrible. It gives me more physical symptoms than any other mental health issue I have. I hate how it makes me feel. Every day I’m just trying not to do anything that will start it off again. I’m really missing seeing my Doc, I haven’t seen her since February because of this fucking virus, and it’s really gotten me down now, I’m missing seeing her and having a chat every 2 weeks, it really keeps me going, and going without that is hard. I really enjoyed that routine I had of seeing her, and she’s the only one here who I talk to, she always helps me every time I see her. Also my routine has gotten messed up, which is not good for me. I like structure, I like routine, I like things being in their place, and when I feel like I’m not in control every day that gets me down too. I don’t mind the odd occasional day where things are different, but not every day. So I’ve been trying to get my routine back to how I like it, which I have done pretty much these past couple of weeks. I’ve been lying down a lot on my bed in the afternoon and chilling, which makes me sound lazy but I don’t care, I’m doing it for my health. And that’s about how my past few weeks have been, anxious and stressed. I just have to keep on trying to relax as best as I can. I’m looking forward to the Doc ringing me again soon, that’s something to look forward to, it’s good being back in touch with her regularly again, even if it is only by phone.